I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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