Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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