I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
