i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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