why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A bitchslap is in order.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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