Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
