Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
