someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have post one night stand depression
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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