I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
