I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
