My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
