Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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