sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
