The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I currently don't understand fingers.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
