maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
