I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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