talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
