WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We named our party play list daddy issues
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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