Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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