not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize