i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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