hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
