Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
