Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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