I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
