capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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