"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
