don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
