Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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