Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
