I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
