she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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