apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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