He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
