Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
