it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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