Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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