the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
