now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
