She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
