How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
