dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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