the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
