I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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