Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
MIDGETS
????
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
