And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
