R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My liver just broke up with me...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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