Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
