Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
