so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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