Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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