I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
