The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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