If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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