Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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