due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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