May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
