he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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